by Jeff Martens
How many Bikram teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to preheat the new bulb, one to screw it in and one to
remind the light bulb changer to “Lockyourknees Lockyourknees
Lockyourknees!”
How many Anusara teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to hold the bulb, one to outer-spiral the ladder to screw
in the bulb, one to say what a great community light-bulb changing
creates and one to clap when it is over.
How many Iyengar teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to put a block under the bulb, one to wrap a strap around
the bulb and one to talk about their personal experience with Mr.
Iyengar.
How many Ashtanga Yoga teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, except it is done while ujjayi breathing at 6am holding
mula bandha with one leg behind the head.
How Many Power Yoga Teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to reach for the bulb in utkattasana, one to sweat profusely and one to turn up the volume on the sound system.
How many Viniyoga Teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to unscrew the old bulb and one to screw in the new bulb
since they ideally only handle one bulb at a time.
How many Kundalini Yoga Teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None – they don’t change it, they just revive the old bulb with ‘breath of fire’.
How many Yoga Therapy Yoga Teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, one to mention all the bones and muscles
used in the installation and one to use the word “circumduction”.
How many Yin Yoga Teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to unscrew the old lightbulb and one to groan as the old lightbulb finally releases.
How many Restorative Yoga Teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to take the old bulb out and lay it on a bolster and one to wake up the new bulb by turning on the wall switch.
How many Raja Yogins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to just sit and become the light.
How many Bhakti Yogins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They just learn to love darkness.
How many Karma Yogins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw the new bulb in and one to help surrender the fruits of the old bulb’s illuminations.
How many Jnana Yogins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one to flick the switch up and down and observe their own continued presence beyond light and darkness.
How many Tantra Yogins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as they consciously desire.
How many Advaita Yogins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only One of course. And they were predestined to do it. By Another. Even though there’s only One, of course.
How many Vichar Yogins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to stand underneath the lightbulb and ask “Who am I?”, which then causes the light bulb to come on.
How many Yoga Philosophers does it take to screw in a lighgtbulb?
Four. One to debate the reality of the burned out bulb, two to argue if the truth is found better in light or darkness and one to write about it. But the bulb never gets changed.